Remember when O.J. Simpson was acquitted of murder? White folks lost their minds and black folks “high fived” one another. White folks, and perhaps rightfully so, believed O.J. was guilty. There was certainly no shortage of evidence against him including prior domestic abuse and given the legal systems’ historical bias against black men accused of any crime against a white person we all expected O.J. to go down. He didn’t. Years later, we as black folks finally have admitted that in all likelihood O. J. did it though that hasn’t stopped some of us from silently gloating over the not guilty verdict.
Enter R. Kelly and his child pornography case. I saw the tape as did many folks. It was sold as a bootleg videotape by street vendors on every corner from New York’s Boogie Down Bronx to L.A.’s Leimert Park. R. Kelly allegedly engaging in sex acts with several black women including what looks like a very underage black girl. Perhaps the most damning section was R. Kelly allegedly setting up the camera; it was an extreme close up as he took his time setting up the shot just right. But the most disgusting section was this man, who looks just like R. Kelly, urinating on the girl post coitus.
During his trial both sides presented a slew of evidence and witnesses including a former protégé of R. Kelly’s who testified that the young girl on the tape was her niece. The girl and her parents deny it was her. R. Kelly says it isn’t him at all on the tape. In all, Kelly’s defense team poked enough holes in the prosecution’s case that he was found not guilty, acquitted, due to reasonable doubt. One of his defense attorneys said, “She is a 13-year-old girl having raunchy, dirty, nasty sex ... with a superstar who’s won Grammy Awards and she tells no one? You couldn’t keep a 13 year-old girl’s mouth quiet about having Hannah Montana tickets.”
But is he really not guilty? Long before this scandal became a blip on the mainstream news radar black and urban news outlets had reported several incidents involving Kelly and women under the age of 18. Most accusations were settled out of court for undisclosed amounts of money and let’s not forget he married the late R&B singer and actress Aaliyah when she was 15 and he was 27, the marriage was quickly annulled.
Again I ask, not guilty? Hmmm... I have some reasonable doubt. There’s no gloating over his verdict over here.
Now, my mama always made it clear from the time I was a wee little thing that I wasn’t to sit on any man’s lap, “I don’t give a damn who it is.” I was also to be suspicious of any man who wanted to hug me all the time, plant copious kisses on my cheeks, or was always trying to be alone with me. Periodically, she would corner me and ask me point blank if anyone “had tried to touch me,” my answer was always NO. She made me a suspicious and cautious child but I was safe because of her. I knew that men that did “those things” to little girls were sick, perverts, because I was a child, a little girl. That is until I turned 12.
Like most of the women in my family I started my period (menstruation) when I was 11 years old. Overnight the hard knots resembling mosquito bites on my chest blossomed into small, perky breasts. My nickname “Niky,” was replaced by a new one, “Hips,” as my own had begun to rapidly spread away from my narrow waist. By the end of my first year as a young woman I was stacked, perfect women’s size 6… at 12 yrs. old. My mother and aunts cautioned me that boys and grown men were going to start noticing me differently than before, making comments about how pretty I was, the shape of my legs or (God forbid) my hips and butt. I was told to stay away from them and report any transgressions to my parents.
I must admit I always had an eye for talent, a fine man that is. As a prepubescent girl I had a crush on everyone. I would always confide in my aunties who I thought was cute. Everyone laughed and the men, if they found out about my crush, would sort of pat me on my little braided head, thank me and quickly dismiss me for the grown women in the room. After I turned 12, the world changed. Men who previously dismissed me as a little girl let their eyes linger on me a little longer.
That summer a handsome musician in my mom’s band was sitting on my porch with his equally handsome brother who had recently returned from the military. I don’t remember why I was on the porch with them but what I do remember is the brother from the military whispering to the musician then asking me to walk across the porch. The musician told me not to but I did it. I knew what his brother was looking at even without him saying it. I did it because I wanted him to like me. I never told anyone, especially my mother.
Later, in that same summer, I spent the night over my former babysitter’s house. That evening a neighbor, a young girl about 14 or 15, came by and as we sat in the living room talking and watching TV a male friend of my sitter’s also stopped by. He was a light skinned black man with a wicked laugh. I remember that he had a long nail on his pinky that my former sitter said was his “cocaine nail.” They laughed, I laughed too… I’d seen Miami Vice. Then, I remember him saying something about the other girl and asking me to stand up. Smiling, my former babysitter told ME not to do it. I stood up. He inspected me, even asking me to turn around, which I did. He nodded with approval and made some comment I can’t recall now. But, as I recall now, this man was someone she knew well… her young toddler’s father. Again, I never told anyone, including my mom.
My first boyfriend was 19… I was 12! Luckily, nothing ever really happened between us, just a slight kiss. I quickly broke it off. (I knew I wasn’t having sex.) Something else, I never told my mom. There are lots of incidences like these that I could list and I am not alone.
All of these men knew my age. None of these men had any qualms about objectifying me sexually and I let them do it… because I was 12. I never told my mother because I knew what she would say and do (I ain’t even mentioning my daddy!). You see, the fact this young woman (13 at the time of this alleged crime) purportedly didn’t tell anyone, specifically her parents or friends, doesn’t cause me to doubt whether or not the incident happened. I didn’t tell anyone because I knew it was wrong, because I wanted to protect the aggressors (the men), because I didn’t want the reputation of being “fast” (too sexually mature). Besides who’d brag about letting someone urinate on them?
All I’m saying is that just like the O. J. trial is thought of by some as a miscarriage of justice. The R. Kelly trial will also live in infamy. The courts may have acquitted these men but we all have the notion that they are guilty… if not of these crimes then something else. If you doubt what I am saying R. Kelly supporters let your young daughter hang out in the studio with him alone. Yeah, I didn’t think so. There’s your reasonable doubt, choke on it.
