Colin Powell

Hey Family:

In case you missed this on Meet the Press this morning check out Colin Powell's endorsement of Barack Obama AND more importantly his admonishment of the Republican party! It was so well thought out and so... sincere I was close to tears. You can watch it on this link below. It's only the best few minutes you'll ever watch on the net...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2U63fXBlFo

An Ode to Hill and Bill

This is an addendum to my previous blog, “Michelle, my belle…” While I missed Bill’s speech at the DNC because I was stuck in traffic I saw Hillary’s and I was impressed beyond words. I’ve been hard on her and her supporters this primary season for reasons I’ve outlined in previous blogs but I really think Hillary’s speech demonstrated party unity and unwavering support of Barack Obama while acknowledging the historic nature of her candidacy. She certainly wasn’t the first woman to run for President but she certainly has been the most successful woman candidate in the history of the United States, serving up some “18 million cracks in the glass ceiling.”

As I watched Hillary speak I was overcome by emotion. I was proud of her. I also admitted that if Obama hadn’t run I would have been a staunch Hillary supporter. I also acknowledged that had she won the Democratic nomination and not Obama I would’ve been sore but I would have proudly campaigned and voted for her.

Hillary has permanently changed the political landscape and in an effort to capture women voters the old boy’s club of the Republican Party have added a woman as their vice-presidential candidate, Sarah Palin. I wonder if Barack hadn’t been the Democrats nominee if McCain would’ve chosen an African American as a running mate? (How’s yes… does yes work for you? Let’s hope that he would’ve at least known this running mate better than his current choice. )

I heard Bill’s speech was nothing less than awesome… I’m sure it was because Hillary set the bar high.

BTW… who the @#$%^ is Sarah Palin?

The song says, “Michelle, my belle…”

If you didn’t watch Michelle Obama speak last night at the Democratic National Convention you missed something awesome. I sat there near tears as I watched an intelligent woman and devoted wife speak about her husband “with a funny name” and I was in awe. I realized I could be watching the first African American woman to be First Lady of the United States of America, which thanks to Sen. Hillary Clinton is arguably a cabinet job.

Michelle spoke about her and Barack’s working class roots and their commitment to social change and reform. She also stressed her love of family and of this country (the latter of which having been often criticized and debated due to her remarks earlier in the campaign). She spoke passionately and sincerely and the poise she displayed put a lot of viewers, like me, in mind of the quintessential first lady, Jackie Kennedy.

I watched the convention coverage on C-SPAN, a channel that admittedly does not get enough (any) play in my house, and after Michelle's speech they took calls from Obama and McCain supporters as well as the undecided. While most of the callers were as impressed with Michelle Obama’s speech as I was, I was struck by the comments of some of the callers.

Now I certainly didn’t expect McCain supporters to jump ship, so to speak, to the Obama campaign because of Michelle’s speech because that would've been ludicrous but, I did expect them to at least compliment her as a great orator. Instead, what we got were people who despite of her working class roots attacked her Ivy League education as elitist. I believe the word that was used by one caller was “suspicious” which is funny considering the current president graduated from Yale… another I vy League school. I wonder was the caller suspicious of him, too? Maybe Mrs. Obama should acquire a southern accent to make her more working class… or perhaps a ghetto one?

They also said repeatedly that Obama has no plan for “all of the change” he talks about, a point that some staunch Hillary supporters who called in also echoed. Wow, Obama has outlined his platform numerous times and in numerous formats … I see these people don’t have access to newspapers, magazines or computers… or is all that readin’ and cipherin' “suspicious” too?

Now look, I’ll be real, McCain supporters have every right to pick apart the Obama campaign and find fault everywhere they look hell, I do it to McCain. But it’s the die hard Hillary supporters that are driving me crazy. Side by side Hillary and Barack’s political views and platforms are very similar, the devil being in the minor details. However, these rabid Hillary supporters act as if an ungrateful Obama stole this election from Hillary. The people have spoken and Hillary didn’t have the delegates she needed to ensure her nomination, PERIOD! Holding on to Hillary’s candidacy for dear life will not change this fact.

I beg all of you Hillary supporters not to let her be our 2008 Nader, costing us Democrats the election! Please! If Hillary had gotten the nomination I would have mourned Obama’s loss but I certainly wouldn’t consider voting for McCain or not voting at all because too much is at stake and I certainly wouldn’t continue to grouse publicly giving the Republicans all the ammunition they need to defeat us in November. Hello, have you seen that ridiculous “Deborah” ad with a Hillary supporter jumping ship for McCain? If she were one of my girl friends I’d slap her and say, “Snap out of it!

Lastly, for the Hillary supporters who are actually upset that she wasn’t named as the vice presidential candidate, how do you know she wasn’t offered the position and declined? I think she can effect more change as a senator. What would she gain politically from being Vice President? She is already a powerful and vocal senator and as V.P. she would definitely have to lose her voice in favor of completely supporting the President and his policies, something I think she may have a problem with. I would. Furthermore, being V.P doesn’t mean you’re a shoe in for President, ask Al Gore. Nah, Hillary can still be President and if, when , she runs again she’ll get my vote but only if you Hillaryites back off.

I've got a secret...

Call it New Age hoodoo or hocus pocus but I've been reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne and it really works. Listen, before you move on to Youtube or Myspace hear me out... In my last blog I was lamenting the fact that I was so broke I was about to lose my apartment, car and mind. My mother was desperate to help her only daughter and suggested that I get this book, The Secret. She said it may help and that she's been listening to the audio book.

Now, anyone that knows my mother knows that New Age isn't really her, she's a Yoruba priestess for goodness sake! Furthermore, if it ain't African it ain't her! But I thought if she is recommending this book there must be something to it because she can smell bullsh-- from a mile away.

It's been about 3 weeks since I've been reading the book and it has helped me make a definite improvement in my life. Instead of focusing what is going wrong I am focusing on what is going right. I am also learning to attract the things that I want in my life through visualization and positive thoughts. Before reading this book I would say things like, "I don't want this..." or "I don't want that..." Now I focus on what I do want... prosperity, joy, abundance, success, a loving relationship and children.

Since I've begun applying the various principals outlined in this book to my life the following has happened, I have been offered two positions, my car note is paid and I am looking for a newer, better apartment. Furthermore, I have received an outpouring of support from various people in my life. So right now I want to say a big fat thank you to... Mommy and Daddy, Uncle Bo, Grandma Alice, Afi, Casey, Tamara and Ray!

Ask, believe, receive....

Najaa

40 Acres and a Mule!

I have always done everything right... I was never a straight A student but I was definitely an above average, good student. Honor Roll and Merit Roll were regular occurrences for me as well as a slew of other awards. I attended a school and later classes specifically for “gifted” students where I was told I was part of the best and the brightest, the elite. I graduated college in four years, a rarity at most colleges and universities, and later I attended graduate school obtaining my MFA… I did everything right, which is why I am so confounded by my current set of circumstances.

I am broke.

I have been living Los Angeles for nearly 8 months and during this time I have sent out scores of resumes (well over 200) and have only had 7 interviews, only one resulted in an actual job (and it’s part time). I have redone my resume several times; tailoring it specifically to each employer’s needs and experimented with various cover letters. I have accounts on hotjobs.com, monster.com and careerbuilder.com and I even get the fabled United Talent Agency (UTA) job list. Daily, I peruse craigslist.org, mandy.com, entertainmentcareers.com and I have applied for jobs in every industry I have ever worked in from auto insurance to film/TV production. I have applied to job openings for receptionists, cashiers, assistants, grant writers, program directors, arts instructors, voice talent, tape loggers and mailroom assistants almost all to no avail.

I am exhausted.

A few weeks ago I attended a film/television industry career fair and networking event sponsored by the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences (the people that bring you the Emmys™). The presenter told us that he’d placed an ad for a job opening on the UTA job list and in one week had received 400 resumes. That was for one job! That got me to thinking… my resume is floating out there with hundreds, possibly thousands of other resumes, for each position that I applied for. With those odds how am I ever going to stand out? Tell me, would you read 400 cover letters and resumes? No… maybe the first, 15-20 but definitely not 400! (Note: When I posted job openings in Cleveland I was lucky if I got 15 responses… total.)

What the hell am I gonna do?

“It’s all in who you know,” that’s what everyone tells you out here but what if everyone you know is in one way or another in the same position as you, a paycheck away from complete financial ruin. The financially savvy live off of their savings, or worse yet credit cards, to make ends meet (because most of the entry level positions in the film/television industry don’t pay well). While others of us rely on the help of family and friends in the form of monetary gifts and interest free loans. Still others are lucky enough to have all of the above. But, what happens when all of your options have run out? No savings, no credit cards and no friends and family able to help out. You become me.

Oh God…

I have been working since I was 13 years old. I’ve had summer jobs, afterschool jobs, part time jobs and multiple jobs at once. I have worked over time, weekends and holidays. I have always, for the most part, been able to take care of myself and now I can’t.

I work as a “Traveling Specialist” for an arts organization, traveling to various schools teaching dance. My job cut my hours for the summer. I was down to working 2 days a week. I was making less than half of what I previously made and that was barely enough to pay my rent, car note and cell phone bill. Now my rent is late and due, the finance company is threatening to repossess my car (because I am more than two months behind) and my cell phone bill is due in a week. You can’t imagine the thoughts that run and have ran through my mind… how can I turn a quick buck without completely demeaning myself?

Last week I applied for food stamps.

The first time I stepped into the welfare office it was surprisingly not crowded. It was the day before the 4th of July. I handed my purse to the security guard and walked through the metal detector, of course I beeped but they waived me through. I walked into a large room with lots of teller style windows. I had no idea where to go and there were no clear directions posted anywhere. One of two security guards stationed at a booth in the front of the room directed me to the correct window and cheerfully observed that I obviously hadn’t been there before.

The woman at the window gave me a form to fill out then hit me with a barrage of questions:
“Have you ever applied for food stamps before?” She said.
“No,” I replied.
“Never?”
“No.”
“Do you have any kids?”
“No.”
“Are you pregnant?”
“No… my job cut my hours for the summer and I am just trying to make ends meet.”
“Oh… well the entire interview process is going to take 3-4 hours.”
“What?”

I still had a job to go to and that day was First Aid/CPR Training, I couldn’t miss it.

“Uhhh… I have to go to work,” I said.
“What?” She said.
“I have to go to work.”
“But I already put you in the system.”
“Yeah, but I gotta go to work.”

She sucked her teeth and started talking to another woman behind the window. She got up from her stool. I didn’t know whether to leave or stay. She gathered a bunch of papers.

“Here, you need to fill these out.”
“Well, can I bring them back on Monday?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.”

Wow… she couldn’t just say that earlier, what was with the extra “attitude?” I skulked out of the office hoping no one I knew saw me.

It took over an hour fill out all of the paperwork that she gave me and I told myself that I would get there bright and early on Monday. The office opened at 8AM. I was parking my car by 8:40AM and there was already a long line in front of the building, it was like a disco but there was no music. Once I made it inside the lines were ridiculous at every window. People avoided making eye contact with one another while cautiously surveying the scene.

You had mothers with children, the elderly, the homeless, the disabled and the young able bodied but broke like me. There was also every race, nationality, ethnicity and sexual orientation represented in that room. Whoa, I thought, this is truly America and I was also reminded of a comment a peer made in graduate school that my people get free money from the government… I think it was supposed to be a joke but I didn’t laugh. .

I turned in my paperwork at on of the windows and waited for my name to be called over the speaker. I was afraid I was going to miss it. The low murmur of conversation from all of those people made it difficult to hear and one man was talking loudly to a person on the other side of the windows about how his check didn’t come and he almost starved over the weekend and went into diabetic shock! (He also carried a plastic bag filled with various medications.)

When my name was called I had to find someone to direct me where to go next. He pointed to a room across the hall. It was filled with more “teller” windows but this time there were chairs in front of them. I sat in front of my assigned window waiting for someone to appear. Behind me a black man complained that he was tired of being disrespected. He declared that he deserved good customer service not the run around and that he was a man. When I finally gathered up the courage to turn and look at him a white man was standing beside him trying to soothe him by getting him to focus on getting his benefits not his respect.

Damn…

Finally a woman appeared and introduced herself as my temporary caseworker. She was pleasant. I think she could tell I was nervous. We filled out more paperwork and reviewed what I’d already turned in. She asked me for income, rental, and utility verification. I hadn’t been told to bring anything when I initially called or came to the office. I just happened to have a few check stubs because I thought they’d be helpful. By the way, she wasn’t at all surprised that I wasn’t told what to bring in. So she gave me a postage paid envelope and a list of what I needed to send back to her. She said I didn’t need to come back unless I wanted to. I smiled, thanked her and told her I was definitely mailing my verification paperwork in.

It took me a week to complete the verification paperwork not because I couldn’t get the verifications she requested but because I kept hoping that I didn’t have to go through with the entire process. I am ashamed that I have to apply for government assistance even though I have been helping to pay for this assistance as a taxpayer for 22 years. I mean, why should I feel ashamed, right? I am no “welfare queen” eager to live off of the system, content not to work. But now, I am a part of those “bad” statistics… one of the many women of color on welfare… often blamed for over burdening the system.

I sent off my verification paperwork on Monday.

A closed mouth don’t get fed.

PS. Last week I was given back some of the hours my job had taken from me… they placed me at another school but it’s still not enough and a little too late. However, I am very thankful for this boost in income. I also have a “lead” on a better job for which I am also thankful. Wish me luck!

R. Kelly is the New O.J.

Remember when O.J. Simpson was acquitted of murder? White folks lost their minds and black folks “high fived” one another. White folks, and perhaps rightfully so, believed O.J. was guilty. There was certainly no shortage of evidence against him including prior domestic abuse and given the legal systems’ historical bias against black men accused of any crime against a white person we all expected O.J. to go down. He didn’t. Years later, we as black folks finally have admitted that in all likelihood O. J. did it though that hasn’t stopped some of us from silently gloating over the not guilty verdict.

Enter R. Kelly and his child pornography case. I saw the tape as did many folks. It was sold as a bootleg videotape by street vendors on every corner from New York’s Boogie Down Bronx to L.A.’s Leimert Park. R. Kelly allegedly engaging in sex acts with several black women including what looks like a very underage black girl. Perhaps the most damning section was R. Kelly allegedly setting up the camera; it was an extreme close up as he took his time setting up the shot just right. But the most disgusting section was this man, who looks just like R. Kelly, urinating on the girl post coitus.

During his trial both sides presented a slew of evidence and witnesses including a former protégé of R. Kelly’s who testified that the young girl on the tape was her niece. The girl and her parents deny it was her. R. Kelly says it isn’t him at all on the tape. In all, Kelly’s defense team poked enough holes in the prosecution’s case that he was found not guilty, acquitted, due to reasonable doubt. One of his defense attorneys said, “She is a 13-year-old girl having raunchy, dirty, nasty sex ... with a superstar who’s won Grammy Awards and she tells no one? You couldn’t keep a 13 year-old girl’s mouth quiet about having Hannah Montana tickets.”

But is he really not guilty? Long before this scandal became a blip on the mainstream news radar black and urban news outlets had reported several incidents involving Kelly and women under the age of 18. Most accusations were settled out of court for undisclosed amounts of money and let’s not forget he married the late R&B singer and actress Aaliyah when she was 15 and he was 27, the marriage was quickly annulled.

Again I ask, not guilty? Hmmm... I have some reasonable doubt. There’s no gloating over his verdict over here.

Now, my mama always made it clear from the time I was a wee little thing that I wasn’t to sit on any man’s lap, “I don’t give a damn who it is.” I was also to be suspicious of any man who wanted to hug me all the time, plant copious kisses on my cheeks, or was always trying to be alone with me. Periodically, she would corner me and ask me point blank if anyone “had tried to touch me,” my answer was always NO. She made me a suspicious and cautious child but I was safe because of her. I knew that men that did “those things” to little girls were sick, perverts, because I was a child, a little girl. That is until I turned 12.

Like most of the women in my family I started my period (menstruation) when I was 11 years old. Overnight the hard knots resembling mosquito bites on my chest blossomed into small, perky breasts. My nickname “Niky,” was replaced by a new one, “Hips,” as my own had begun to rapidly spread away from my narrow waist. By the end of my first year as a young woman I was stacked, perfect women’s size 6… at 12 yrs. old. My mother and aunts cautioned me that boys and grown men were going to start noticing me differently than before, making comments about how pretty I was, the shape of my legs or (God forbid) my hips and butt. I was told to stay away from them and report any transgressions to my parents.

I must admit I always had an eye for talent, a fine man that is. As a prepubescent girl I had a crush on everyone. I would always confide in my aunties who I thought was cute. Everyone laughed and the men, if they found out about my crush, would sort of pat me on my little braided head, thank me and quickly dismiss me for the grown women in the room. After I turned 12, the world changed. Men who previously dismissed me as a little girl let their eyes linger on me a little longer.

That summer a handsome musician in my mom’s band was sitting on my porch with his equally handsome brother who had recently returned from the military. I don’t remember why I was on the porch with them but what I do remember is the brother from the military whispering to the musician then asking me to walk across the porch. The musician told me not to but I did it. I knew what his brother was looking at even without him saying it. I did it because I wanted him to like me. I never told anyone, especially my mother.

Later, in that same summer, I spent the night over my former babysitter’s house. That evening a neighbor, a young girl about 14 or 15, came by and as we sat in the living room talking and watching TV a male friend of my sitter’s also stopped by. He was a light skinned black man with a wicked laugh. I remember that he had a long nail on his pinky that my former sitter said was his “cocaine nail.” They laughed, I laughed too… I’d seen Miami Vice. Then, I remember him saying something about the other girl and asking me to stand up. Smiling, my former babysitter told ME not to do it. I stood up. He inspected me, even asking me to turn around, which I did. He nodded with approval and made some comment I can’t recall now. But, as I recall now, this man was someone she knew well… her young toddler’s father. Again, I never told anyone, including my mom.

My first boyfriend was 19… I was 12! Luckily, nothing ever really happened between us, just a slight kiss. I quickly broke it off. (I knew I wasn’t having sex.) Something else, I never told my mom. There are lots of incidences like these that I could list and I am not alone.

All of these men knew my age. None of these men had any qualms about objectifying me sexually and I let them do it… because I was 12. I never told my mother because I knew what she would say and do (I ain’t even mentioning my daddy!). You see, the fact this young woman (13 at the time of this alleged crime) purportedly didn’t tell anyone, specifically her parents or friends, doesn’t cause me to doubt whether or not the incident happened. I didn’t tell anyone because I knew it was wrong, because I wanted to protect the aggressors (the men), because I didn’t want the reputation of being “fast” (too sexually mature). Besides who’d brag about letting someone urinate on them?

All I’m saying is that just like the O. J. trial is thought of by some as a miscarriage of justice. The R. Kelly trial will also live in infamy. The courts may have acquitted these men but we all have the notion that they are guilty… if not of these crimes then something else. If you doubt what I am saying R. Kelly supporters let your young daughter hang out in the studio with him alone. Yeah, I didn’t think so. There’s your reasonable doubt, choke on it.

TV is the Devil!!!

Television is the devil!!!

I have had a TV for about 3 weeks and I am convinced that it is the devil. I have a screenplay and stage play that both need to be finished and I cannot stop watching TV. As I write I am watching the rerun of the 500th show of Tyra. Yeah, that’s right… Tyra! Some might argue my brain is leaking from my ears right now. No disrespect to Tyra but I hardly think I am her um… targeted demographic. It has taken me 10 minutes to write just these few sentences. I would count the number of sentences I’ve written but then I couldn’t watch Tyra.

Money is tight. Since I’ve moved to Los Angeles my lifestyle has undergone a serious make under. Yep, a make under. Where as I used to spend the weekend with friends shopping, having drinks and going to dinner I now count how much I spent in the grocery store, rent movies and surf the net in the library and pray I can make my rent and car note at the end of each month. I can’t tell you the last time I bought shoes or a purse and when I do manage to go out to dinner or a movie with friends it is either their treat or very very cheap.

I am lucky. I have a great group of friends and a very supportive family. My family is not wealthy so I had no trust fund to support my move cross country but my father once told me that if he had 50 cents I’ve got half of it. My friends help me when family cannot whether it’s listening to me bitch about being broke and somewhat lonely in an unfamiliar city or loaning me money when the bills are due. I would list all the people that I owe right now but then my other creditors would get jealous.

Okay, now I am watching Jon Stewart and The Daily Show and it is now 1:07 AM PST. I should be going to sleep but I want, need, to finish this blog. I need to prove to myself I can get it done in spite of this devilish TV. I didn’t come to Los Angeles to watch TV, I came to make TV… and films for that matter! I MUST MAINTAIN MY FOCUS!!!

A sane person would say just throw the damned thing out but I can’t… my TV was a gift from my cousin Mickie and her husband. Besides, I love the damned thing. I love Law and Order SVU and Criminal Intent. I am addicted to anything on TLC and Bravo, specifically Jon and Kate plus 8 and Top Chef Chicago and any documentary on A&E and PBS. Okay, I don’t have cable now but a girl can dream can’t she?! Most importantly, I am lonely and broke and the TV is always free. The TV talks to me, lulls me to sleep and provides a glimpse into other peoples lives. It also provides information and entertainment. So is TV really that bad, is it really the devil?

Well it is if you’re a writer who has moved to LA to make TV.